I’m pagan. I’m open about it. I’m damn proud of it. I can respect that not everyone can be out of the broom closet, but have felt lucky that I have never felt the pressure to hide what and who I am… Until now.

I have recently begun a new phase of my education. At the beginning of this year, I transferred to a Christian university to finish the remainder of my degree. It’s a good school and has a good reputation. Though it is highly populated by the “Born Again” sect, I had no trouble making friends and connecting with my professors. I did have to make a small sacrifice to keep the peace. While I never denied my faith, I also didn’t publicize it. Example: I did discuss basic circle setup and consecration—complete with diagram—in the middle of the student union, but I didn’t wear my “Goddess Bless” t-shirt to any classes.

Now I find myself in an even stricter environment. The last phase of my degree finds me on site at a Catholic hospital. That’s right—I’m a student at a Christian university and a cohort at a Catholic hospital. Double Trouble. During orientation, I was given a Bible. I have textbooks written by nuns. My professors begin each class with a prayer. My lab partner has a quote from Corinthians on her Facebook, along with quotes about how much she and her fiancé love Jesus. (Luckily, she really is a nice girl.) I’ll be dealing with these same 30 classmates and the same 10 or so faculty for the next 20 months. My future depends on making it through this. Can I really afford to find myself ostracized in the first week? Can I really suppress my true nature from the public and still be true to my path and the Goddess??

You bet your arse I can! It may sound strange for someone who is so adamant about being a Pagan Role Model to now say she’s keeping her little Wiccan mouth shut, but that’s what I have to do. One of my friends explained to me that in Judaism, you do not deny your faith unless your life is in danger. However, if I do not finish my degree, my livelihood is in danger. My future is in danger. The people I want to help with this degree are in danger. So, the same way I lead people to believe I was Canadian when I lived overseas, I’ll just let people think I’m some form of agnostic. To figure out how to live as a private pagan in the public world has been the real lesson.

Prior to my first day of classes, I knew I was going to need some reinforcement. I set up some extra altars in my home and re-worked my meditations and daily affirmations. I even added yoga poses to my daily meditations. By the time I got home, though, I knew this wouldn’t be enough. I had to figure out something more.

I have a friend who grew up Yoruban. She used to relate tales of how her whole family would dress in the colours that represented the “God of the Day”. Example: If today is Monday, than this is Ellegba’s day. His colours are red and black. You wear red and black in honour of him. So, I took this and ran with it. I made a schedule of which god or goddess to honor in accordance with day, made notations of appropriate greetings and wrote them on note cards on the altars, put offerings to those gods on those days, developed a whole set of correspondences and added the whole thing to my Book of Shadows. I even did my own colour coordination as per Yoruban tradition. I think this is what helped the most. Even if I wasn’t running around with a giant pentacle to let the world know who I am, I am “representing”. Even more importantly, every time I caught a glimpse of my own reflection, I am reminded of the god of the day, the Lord and Lady, my Craft, and my Path. I honour them by simply being.

This is powerful magick, my friends! I wouldn’t have thought it, but having to take a step back into the closet is forcing me to be a better pagan. When you can’t talk the talk, you have no choice but to make the walk count. It’s been like re-initiating to the Craft. I feel stronger, more centered, more powerful, and more Wiccan than I have felt in a long time.

This is the lesson I’d like everyone reading to take. If life hands you lemons, add it to your libations and toast the gods! Paganism is a “mystery religion”, so being a little mysterious adds to your allure. Power is drawn to you. Most importantly, revamping your every day practice every now again keeps things fresh and relevant. Finding those small, personal ways to practice your faith makes a huge impact on you spiritually and truly connects you with the Lord and Lady. It is that connection that grants us peace, serenity, security, and love.

Pánta eteléutêsan
*~Delphy~*